I grew up in a small rowhome in a very nice, family oriented section
of Philadelphia with my mom, my dad, big brother and little sister. We
were your average middle class family. Dad was a carpenter. Mom was a
substitute teacher. My biggest obstacles in my daily life were the
typical squabbles between siblings. My brother and I became quite close
in high school. My sister and I were often at odds in our early years,
probably because we shared a bedroom for 18 years (10 of which we shared
a bed). My sister frequently chose the floor over the bed in those 1st
10 years. Supposedly, I was a blanket hog... and I snored (this has
never been proven). Our "normal" middle class life came to a screeching
halt when I was 18. My parents decided to go their separate ways. This
strained many relationships in my family, my sister and I disagreed on a
lot of things over the next few years. The disagreements sometimes
escalated to fist fights. I did my best to take the high road. My sister
was always proud of the fact the she clocked me in the face during one
of these altercations. I guess it's a little sister thing that I never
quite "got."
Then in 1998, a wedding was on the
horizon... mine. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor. She was an
excellent maid of honor. My fondest memories of my wedding and the
events leading up to that big day in October of 1999 were with my
sister. I picked out the bridesmaids' dresses, elegant, sleeveless navy
blue dresses with long gloves. My sister loved them until she tried one
on. "The back on this dress is so open, how am I going to wear a bra."
And "these gloves make my arms sweaty!" Thanks Andrea!! Andrea, that's
my little sister. The true highlight of the wedding festivities was my
bachlorette party. We had a great time!!! She arranged a date for me for
that evening, a blow-up doll named Dirk. Thanks again, Andrea!! But that night, when I crashed
on the floor in her townhouse she shared with her best friend, we
bonded. And this was new. We talked about things girlfriends shared. We
didn't fight about who was taking too much time in the bathroom or who's
side of the room was getting too messy. We talked about our lives. The
dynamic of our relationship as sisters changed in 1999. And when she
toasted my husband and I on our wedding night, I realized how much she
loved and appreciated me. 1999 was the beginning of a wonderful
friendship with my little sister. And she became my best friend in the
years to follow. She was not the person I would call on the phone and
say "Hello, how are you?" I would say "I'M SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!"
And she would do the same to me. No cordial introductions necessary. She
would give you the the most valuable thing anyone could ask of a
friend, her time. She always had time for her family and friends. She
never made excuses. She attended all birthday parties and weddings she
was invited to attend. And she was always the life of the party. My
wedding video is evidence of that.
So, when Andrea called me in early May of 2008 to tell me she had
pancreatic cancer, I was devastated. She was only 31. Her daughter
hadn't even celebrated her 1st birthday yet. How could this happen to
someone so young? That first call was followed by a series of phone
calls between the 2 of us that day. During one of the calls she noticed
that I was crying. She said "You can't cry! You're the strong one." This
theory of my sister's was soon squashed when I saw the strength she had
in fighting her disease. Andrea kept an online journal of her health
status throughout her illness. This allowed her to inform her multitude
of friends and family without having to repeat the gory details of her
treatments, experiences and frustrations battling cancer.
My sister Andrea showed strength, intelligence, perseverance and
grace while she lived with pancreatic cancer. Unfortunately, she lost
her battle in September of 2010. I am still grieving. I miss her more
than words can ever express. I have a hole in my heart that can never be filled. I can only learn to live with it and I work on it every day.
I started this blog to share my memories, experiences and
lessons learned through my relationship with my sister during the days following her diagnosis. I ask that others share their experiences. I
started this blog to pay tribute to my sister because I think we can all
learn from her experience.
So, in closing of this first post, I'd like you all to raise a glass and toast my sister, my hero, Andrea.
Chris, Thanks for sharing this is beautiful. I join you in your toast and add to”My Heart.”
ReplyDeleteI agree there is a hole, a void, in my life in which each and every day I am reminded of our loss.
Whether it is your sister, my wife, she touched each and every one of us in our own way. This is a big void that can never be filled but from this we can all share in her memories, stories, good times and bad.
This past weekend I had a day in which in my head I was calling it the Andrea tribute day. I had Tori’s communion party in the early afternoon, a T-ball game in mid-afternoon, and Burke’s 1st birthday in the late afternoon. In Andrea’s honor we made all three and it was good feeling to see every one and share some stories and laughs.
In looking back this is what Andrea lived for, to see everybody and share the stories. Live, Laugh, and Love was one of her attributes on her Facebook page. I believe she had it backward in that she Loved to Live and Laugh. I was an innocent bystander that she picked up on the way:)
There is not a day that goes by where I call Home (on my cell Andrea HOME) or pick up the mail (to Andrea Corey) or a phone call “can I speak to Andrea” that reminds me of her. The thing that always gets me is when Alexa says, “I miss mommy.” My heart sinks each and every time she says it. I respond sometimes with tears or lump in my throat I give her a hug and say “I miss her, too.” Then we talk a bit about mommy until she changes the subject.
Alexa has a good memory in which she remembers when Andrea put her in time out for taking something from Lexi. This is the one and only time she made it into time out. Mommy set the guide lines and she seems to still abide by those rules. Alexa also remembers Disney with Mommy and all the good times that they shared. Alexa is the greatest gift anyone has given me. She is my motivation.
In closing, Andrea has brought to my attention that life is short and while you are here touch as many people as you can, make your mark, and live life to the fullest. Always have time for family and friends if not make time. Your social wealth outweighs anything of monetary value.
You amaze me, Christopher! Thanks for posting that.
DeleteAmazing Christine and oh so heartfelt. Keep up the good work. It's very theraputic.
ReplyDeleteCherp - Love this... thanks so much for sharing... and for opening up a dialogue on so many subjects... loss, life, love, hope, happiness, and celebrating each day... I pray others can draw strength from what you've shared! Blessings!
ReplyDeleteChris- I love you. This Blog is awesome!
ReplyDeleteLove Heather Gayton
Dear Christine,
ReplyDeleteNoticed your blog through our mutual friend, Taryn Jones, who, by the way, I have never met but she and I connected through PanCan after the death of my husband in 2008 of pancreatic cancer. She is remarkable and one day I do hope to meet and hug her. I, too, started a blog as both catharsis and communication vehicle........it was a tremendous help in servicing both needs. Now, I only create an entry each year on the anniversary of his death but it is still a helpful tool for me. There are many similarities between your Andrea and my Shep and I was stricken by that. (even a psychic presented herself to me soon after his death which absolutely astounded me considering I don't believe in those things (or didn't) and his symbol became the hummingbird....... well anyway, I just wanted to acknowledge and commend you, Andrea and all those who suffered the pain of her loss. My deepest condolences...... Toni Alperin Goldberg (originally from Scranton, presently living in Philadelphia) toniandshep.com (my blog)