I'll Take A "Medium," Please: 5/20/12

As adults, we've all suffered loss in our lives. When death follows the natural order of the life cycle it seems to be more tolerable and acceptable. My grandfather on my mom's side of the family was the first close loss I experienced. I was 19 years-old. I was an adult when Pop Pop passed. He was sick... cancer. He suffered for a while before he died. His illness coincided with my parents' separation and that just complicated things emotionally. We had a very close relationship with all of our grandparents growing up, visiting them frequently, vacationing with them, having sleep-overs. So, I wasn't surprised when I had a very vivid dream about my Pop Pop a few months after he passed. He was very comforting in this dream. He repeated over and over again that he was okay, everything was okay. That same night, my mother felt that my grandfather was in our home, checking on us. She didn't know about my dream when she shared this information. To this day, I truly believe my Pop Pop spoke to me that evening. He was in our home, watching over us, protecting us.

In my experience, when someone my own age or younger dies, it's a much tougher pill to swallow. When I lost my sister 18 months ago. I had so many questions... why her, why now, why so young? I desperately wanted to communicate with her. Of course, butterfly sightings happened frequently, but I wanted more. I did not seek out a medium until the idea presented itself to me. In August of 2011, I had dinner with some of Andrea's closest friends to celebrate Andrea's birthday. During dinner, one of the girls mentioned that one of their friends sought out a psychic medium to connect with a passed relative and my sister. A little over a month later, I contacted this medium. My experience with the medium validated that there is life after death, but I received no clear message from my sister. I did, however, pass along messages to my co-worker from her mother. She passed away from breast cancer a year before Andrea. I couldn't wait to give my friend her mom's messages. I was so happy for her, but disappointed that no relevant messages came from my sister.

Fast-forward to December 2011. My mom, like me, has desperately wanted to communicate with Andrea as well. I mentioned that some of the more well-known psychic mediums tour throughout the country. If she wanted, she could buy tickets to one of these events. Her friend researched online and discovered that John Edward was coming to Philly in April 2012. They bought four tickets. One of my mom's friends had to back out, so I went in her place. My mom and I talked a bit before heading to the John Edward event. We knew it was a sold-out crowd. We knew it was a long shot to receive a reading. We decided... "let's just go and enjoy the experience with no expectations." That's what we did. As we sat in an audience of 300+ people, John Edward walked on stage, gave a short introduction and dove into random readings for eager audience members. Shortly after finishing a few emotional readings for audience members, he connected with George... "does someone know a George with an amputated leg?" The woman beside my mom jumps out of her seat. She says "I do!! That's my grandfather!" He talks to with the woman briefly about George. Then John asks... "Who is Linda?" The woman can't answer. She doesn't know a Linda. At this point, John Edward is very persistent. "I'm getting a Linda. It's definitely Linda." I raise my hand and say... "You want my mom. Her name is Linda." The woman next to my mom reluctantly hands her the microphone and the reading went as follows:

John Edward: "Are you Linda?"
Mom: "Yes."
JE: "Did you pass your namesake along to someone?"
Mom: "yes, my daughter, but it's spelled..."
JE: "That doesn't matter."
Mom: "Yes, my daughter's name was Andrea Lynn. The Lynn was after me."
JE: "Has she passed?"
Mom: "Yes."
JE: "Did she have cancer?"
Mom: "Yes."
JE: "Who is Bob?'
Mom: "Bob is an old neighbor and friend of ours."
JE: "Did he pass?"
Mom: "Yes."
JE:' "He is with her. Who is Clare?"
Mom: "Clare is my best friend's mother."
JE: "Has she passed?"
Mom: "Yes."
JE: "She is with her. Her grandfathers are also with her. Was one of the them in the Navy?"
Mom: "Yes. My father."
JE: "Did one of them fly alot?"
Mom: "Yes, that's my father-in-law. He traveled alot after he retired."
JE: "And there's a man up there throwing a party."
Me: "I think that's my Uncle Danny."
Mom: Nods in agreement
JE: "He is with her and he's having a party. Was there an adoption in your family? Did someone give a child up for adoption?"
Mom: "Yes, my sister-in-law."
JE: "Andrea is telling me that everyone was surprised when they found out."
Mom: "yes."
JE: "Now she's telling me you took her cat? Did she have a cat?"
Me: "We had a few cats growing up. When we were kids my mom told us she took one of them to a 'farm.'"
Audience: LAUGHS
JE: "She acknowledges this."
JE: "Andrea is also telling me you've kept her shoes?"
Mom: "I'm wearing her shoes right now!!"
Audience: GASP!

My mom nearly fell over at this point in the reading.

JE: Nods. "She's telling me somebody wants trees or shrubs moved at a property line?"
Mom: "My mother wants a tree moved in the front of the house."
JE: "Is it on the property line?"
Mom: "No."
JE: "She's telling me this is specifically about the property line"
Me: "My husband and I were in our backyard last night and we were arguing about the trees on our property line. He wants them gone I want them to stay."
JE: "She's telling me you're gonna lose this one. She said... let him golf more and maybe you'll get your way."
JE: "She's showing me a pink rose. A pink rose symbolizes an anniversary. Is there a significant anniversary near?"
Me: "Yes, her wedding anniversary is next week."
JE: "She's acknowledging that."

John Edward pauses for a moment. Asks my mom a question...

JE: "She's telling me that you don't like amusements much... rides?"
Mom: "No, not really."
JE: "But she did. And you never discouraged her from enjoying them. In fact, you encouraged her to go and enjoy herself...
In fact, I really appreciate her analogy. You raised an amazing person...
She says this was the way she viewed life. She appreciated the ups and the downs. Even when she was sick, she appreciated the highs and the lows."

He pauses again... addresses my mom.

JE: "She also wants you to know that when you would sit with her, and hold her hand, she knew what you were saying. You didn't say anything and you didn't have to. She knew what you were saying."

My mom thanked him and that was it... for us.

I don't know about you, but I thought that was a pretty amazing reading. We did not give our names to anyone, we did not fill out any paperwork. We just sat in the audience and he found us and gave us the gift of Andrea.

I wrote John Edward a few times on Facebook after the reading to thank him and tell him how grateful we were for the gift of his reading. He responded each time.

I also want to thank Andrea. Thank you for reaching out to us. Thank you for letting us know you're still with us. We miss you everyday.

D-Day: 5/13/12

Today is Mother's Day. Four years ago my sister was celebrating her first Mother's Day. Her little girl Alexa was about to celebrate her first birthday in May as well. Andrea was also recovering from major surgery. Just a few weeks prior to these milestone occasions for a new mother, Andrea had a portion of her pancreas removed. She had suffered multiple acute pancreatitis attacks throughout the year prior to her distal pancreatectomy in April 2008. A small tumor, thought to be benign, was the reason behind the surgery. The theory was... remove the bad part of the pancreas and live with the good part. This is a relatively common surgery with much success and Andrea's surgery was performed by one of the best surgeons in the world... well he's known for his talent as a surgeon, not for his bedside manner, but I'll get to that later. Once the body and tail of the pancreas was removed from my sister, it was sent to Johns Hopkins for pathology...

May 13th 

Andrea calls me around lunch time. The pathology results are in. Her surgeon called her... on the phone... to tell her she had acinor cell carcinoma and he wanted to remove the remainder of her pancreas.  She was upset, but not crying. She tells me that she really didn't want to go through that surgery. That would mean she would have another major surgery in the following month and she would be insulin dependent for the rest of her life. I had to ask the obvious question (knowing what carcinoma means). "Is it cancer?" She says "no, he never said it was cancer." Something tells me that this wasn't sitting right with my sister because she's a smart girl. If I knew what carcinoma meant, she would figure it out quickly. 3:00pm: I'm sitting in my doctor's office waiting for a routine exam. My cell phone rings... it's Andrea. This time she's sobbing. She can barely speak...

"It's cancer."


My heart sinks. I don't know what to say. And... I lose signal, the call is dropped. Just then, my doctor enters the exam room and I am bawling. I explain to her what I just heard from Andrea. She tries her best to comfort me. She tries to put my mind at ease with her expertise as an endocrinologist, but I just wanted to get out of there... and fast. I get in my car and call her back. She's now making the phone calls to our family. She says she'll call me back. I'm now on the road, on my way into work. I don't know what to do. So I get off the highway and pull into a Bob Evans parking lot. I sit. I don't know where to go or what to do. I call my husband and tell him the news. I call my manager at work to say that I may not make it there. I call a co-worker to tell him to pass the news along to everyone at work before I get there because every time I talk to someone, I cry. I'm still sitting in the parking lot. Do I drive to work? Do I drive home? Do I drive to Andrea's house?

I don't know what to do. I just sit.

Finally, my mind kicks back into gear. I decide to go to work. If I go home, I'll just cry all night. I can't go to Andrea's house because she needs this time with her husband. So, I call my manager back and tell him that I'm going to take a personal day the next day to spend time with Andrea. He's very understanding and approves the day off. While I'm driving to work Andrea calls me back. She catches me crying. "Are you crying?" She says. "You can't cry! You're the strong one!!" At this point, I laugh. And try my best to be strong for her. I don't remember the details of the conversation after that. Luckily, I was on a training shift at  work that day. I think I did nothing but talk on the phone with my sister, on and off, all night. My friends at work did their best to cheer me up that night. They didn't ask questions, but I knew they knew. They took me out to dinner, Qdoba, their treat. I think of that night and appreciate what those guys did for me.

May 14th

I drive to Andrea's house. My mom is there, as usual, to help Andrea with Alexa. Andrea and I went out to Panera Bread for lunch, so we can talk. We talked about a lot of things at lunch that day. She was very angry with her surgeon. First, for telling her the diagnosis over the phone. Second, for never using the word "cancer." Third, for getting her cancer diagnosis from his nurse when she called his office to get more information. I remember how upset she was when she described look on her husband's face when he found out she had cancer. That made her cry. I stayed strong. Despite the terrible news, we had a nice lunch. We even did a  little clothes shopping while we were out. We played "hide from Andrea's old roommate we don't want to get stuck talking to" in Ann Taylor. We had a lot of laughs that day as well. I'm so glad I spent that day with her. That day is one of the fondest memories I have of my sister.

We had many days like that in the years following her "D-Day." I wish we had more of them.

Lessons Learned

Many of us close to Andrea received a book from her about a year after her diagnosis. She found this book inspiring when she needed inspiration the most. She gave me a copy to give to my friend whose mother was battling breast cancer. Andrea felt the author's message was so important to share with anyone battling cancer. I just found my copy recently. I keep it on my nightstand. I read excerpts from the book from time to time. The book is "There's No Place Like Hope" by Vickie Girard. She gives invaluable advice in this book. Most notably, how not to tell a person they have cancer. Andrea never said this, but every doctor needs to read this book. Doctors can't forget that the person and the disease need the best care possible. The doctor is undeniably giving their patient the most devastating news of their lives. It may be routine for a doctor to diagnose a patient, but it is not routine for the patient to receive the diagnosis of cancer.

And as Andrea always believed, a diagnosis is not a death sentence. Give the person the tools and information to fight and beat the odds.

Give them hope!

The Meaning Behind the Title: 5/10/12

The title "Chasing Butterflies" came to me while I was having a conversation with a friend a week ago. Most of my friends and my family know the symbolism the butterfly carries regarding my sister. Shortly after Andrea passed away, her husband Chris posted one of her favorite quotes on Facebook... "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly." We adopted the butterfly as Andrea's symbol, most notably when we walked in the Purple Stride Philadelphia/Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Walk the November following her passing. The butterfly and butterfly quote were prominent symbols on the Andrea's Army shirts we wore that day. The crazy thing about adopting the butterfly symbol is that it seemed like butterflies were everywhere. Friends of Andrea's were sharing encounters with butterflies in daily life. But, the most intriguing sightings came from the young children of my family. My youngest son was just shy of 2 years-old when Andrea passed and every night when I would rock him in his chair before bed, he'd lift his hand in the air, point and say "butterfly". I would repeat the word butterfly to him to make sure I understood my toddler correctly. And he would say it again... "butterfly". I'd say where? He would just point to the air. I felt like Andrea was in the room with us every night when he went to bed. This went on for over a month. And it felt good, from the first sighting to the last. He would raise his hand, while drinking his milk and say butterfly. My little guy was not the only one who saw butterflies. My brother's little girl was close to 3 when my sister passed. She also saw butterflies. I know we as adults could not see these butterflies, but it was amazing to watch our children raise their eyes and gesture to something or someone that made them happy in those butterfly moments.

One more personal butterfly story I want to share with you has to do with Easter crafts... stickers, foam cut-outs, stuff like that. This was one of the most bizarre butterfly signs I received in the months following my sister's passing. My mother-in-law loves to give my boys presents and they love crafts. One of their Easter gifts from her was a packet of Easter crafts. One night, a few weeks after Easter, my oldest son hands me the packet of craft materials and says "Can you open this?" I oblige and grab a pair of scissors to open the package. As I look down, with the package in my hand, the label catches my eye...

OMG!!! My heart started racing... I had chills when I saw this butterfly. Unbelievable!!!!! Keep in mind that the name Andrea was hard to find on stickers, keychains, etc when we were growing up. I ran upstairs and showed the label to my husband. His response..."Eeh, that's weird..." Now I've had my share of "signs" or reminders of Andrea in the past year and a half, but this one may have freaked me out the most. Freaked me out in a good way.

In the past 18 months, I've become more aware that many people adopt the butterfly as symbol of a loved one who has passed. Obviously, Andrea liked the symbolism of the caterpillar's transformation to a butterfly. When you think about it...  just the idea a caterpillar's metamorphosis is pretty cool. It starts out as a fuzzy bug that crawls along the ground and trees. 2 weeks after the chrysalis is constructed it becomes this beautiful, colorful creature with the ability to reach heights once impossible to them. Now I'm getting really philosophical!!!! So this begs the question... is this what happens when we die? Are we simply caterpillars meandering through this life on earth, biding our time until we reach something greater and more beautiful on the other side? I must say, I find this concept quite comforting. Maybe this idea was comforting to my sister as well. I'm not sure because we never talked about it. In fact, I don't even know how long she had the butterfly quote on her Facebook page. I'm sure many of us didn't know it was there until my brother-in-law brought it to our attention in September of 2010.

One last note on the butterflies... on the 1 year anniversary of my sister's passing, her husband and I decided to have a butterfly release to celebrate Andrea's life. The release was preceded by a very nice mass at the church where she her husband were married. Who knew it was as easy as Googling "butterfly release"? I didn't until I typed it in. I'm glad we did it. A perfect way to celebrate my sister, but...

The thing of it was, I was a nervous wreck and I didn't know why!!!! All we did was open a box of butterflies and send them flying. Some butterflies perched themselves onto flowers that we had handy. The picture that you see for my blog is from Andrea's butterfly release. Getting sidetracked. Where was I going with this... oh yeah, I was a wreck. And I felt this way for the week following the butterfly release.Why...

Well, this is tough for me to share. But at the 1 year anniversary I was very aware that I was desperately looking for signs from Andrea. I was surfing radio stations in the car, constantly looking for songs with "meaning." I was reading books about signs from heaven. I even called in on a conference call with a psychic medium on her anniversary... expecting that I would get picked for a reading. I felt "it's meant to be." It was her anniversary after all. I wasn't picked.

When I finally settled down from a very emotionally draining week following Andrea's anniversary, I started to feel... pathetic. I thought... I'm looking for messages from my sister and she's gone. She's not coming back. And all the signs in the world won't put her voice on the other end of a phone call. That revelation made me very, very sad.

This is what leads me, FINALLY, to the inspiration behind the title of my blog. Back in September of 2011, while I was desperately pleading for signs from my sister, I felt like I was "chasing butterflies."

When butterflies come to us unexpectedly, we appreciate the surprise that this beautiful creature crossed our path. We appreciate the encounter so much more when we meet by chance. Don't you think?

Who is Andrea? 5/7/12

I want to share some of Andrea with all of you. So, I have posted some of Andrea's own words as well as a link to a video tribute below.

One of Andrea's good friends from childhood made this video in a matter of days for Andrea's funeral. I really don't know how she did it!! It was a collective effort to get all of these pictures to Estelle (Andrea's friend), but we did it!!! Estelle flew in to Philly, from Iowa, to be at  Andrea's funeral (with the DVD of this video in hand). Thank you, Estelle, for a beautiful tribute to my sister.

I am also adding Andrea's own words to this entry. I think we've all fowarded, shared or trashed emails/chain letters like "List 25 Random Things About Me." Andrea completed one of these and posted it on Facebook. The unique thing about Andrea's is that she wrote it about a year after her cancer diagnosis. When you read her words and see her video, you will get an idea of who my sister was.

I would like to hear from you. If you have any questions at all. I'd be happy to answer them. I enjoy the chance to talk about my sister.

One thing I've learned in the wake of my sister's passing is that talking about her feels good. If I stop talking about her, she truly will die. The only way she can live on for me is through sharing my thoughts and memories of her. Sharing my sister with you makes me happy, not sad.

 25 Random Things About Me 
By: Andrea Corey

1. I am currently fighting a battle against cancer...I plan on winning!

2. The crap I deal and have dealt with regarding my parents' separation and divorce made me who I am today - who would have thought that it could have prepared me for what was in store for my life.

3. I love to play sports and am ridiculously competitive...I hate to lose at anything EVER!

4. I love to laugh...I have laughed so hard that I threw up (thanks Cori!)

5. I have also laughed so hard that I peed my pants (a couple of times) - thanks again, Cori!

6. I actually took flute lessons when I was in 6th grade, but it interfered too much with soccer…not to mention that I didn’t practice enough and used to get light-headed when I played…

7. I have never touched an illegal drug in my life…clearly, that hasn't paid off for me

8. My husband and daughter are everything to me…I don’t know what I would do without them.

9. I know that I have a great family…although I don’t get to see them often enough, but I know they are there for me.

10. Some of my best memories are from college…I wish desperately that I could go back. Linda and I did some BIZARRE things in college...a rap song to I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT

11. My friends are an integral part of my life...I have some of the greatest friends that anyone could ask for. I am so lucky.

12. Having cancer can bring forth SO many blessings and teaches you a lot about yourself...I knew I was strong, but I have surprised myself.

13. I was caught stealing (by my parents) when I was in 7th grade...Thrift Drugs and Staples don't know what hit them...Estelle was a bad example - go figure. (Love you Estelle) ADDENDUM: the go figure part of this is that Estelle is now one of the best influences on my life...weird how that happens.

14. When I started my job at Delaware Investments, I didn't even know the name of the department I was working in and knew jack-squat about the stock market or investments...now I am Vice President - GO FIGURE!

15. I was ridiculously good at math in school and horrible in biology, but for some odd reason I decided to major in biology in college...I didn't like to study so I switched majors. Good old Communication!

16. I miss my friendships from high school and the summer after high school...those were great times and great friends.

17. I am extremely critical of people's misspellings and misuse of words - it frustrates the hell out of me...I pick up misspellings EVERYWHERE! (sorry Tom)

18. I used to think when I was little that I would NEVER like my brother because he was so mean to me growing up...now he is one of my biggest cheerleaders and supporters...it means the world to me.

19. When I was a senior in college (and VERY mature), I punched my sister in the face - and was proud of it. Now we are closer than ever and I feel so lucky that I have her to talk to WHENEVER. She is a HUGE support. It’s amazing that you can fight one minute and then be best friends the next…we know, we played softball on the same team and fought with each other on the field (this was only a few years ago)

20. I will write off friends that are "toxic" to me and selfish...have done it before, would do it again. Although, I have become more tolerant...just a little.

21. My favorite noise/sound is of my daughter laughing...it is so genuine and is the BEST medicine.

22. I will bend over backwards for ANYONE in my life regardless of what I am dealing with...I think supporting your family and friends is the best gift you can give.

23. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to dance...my parents used to joke that I was going to be a dancing dentist...what a dork. I still remember cheerleading routines from high school (and my sister's 7th grade cheerleading dance; note: I was not even on the team). I also laid on the dance floor on our wedding day when dancing to I WILL SURVIVE..really, such a dork.

24. I have the memory of an elephant. I RARELY forget anything...it freaks people out quite a bit, but I don't do it intentionally...trust me, I wish I could rid my head of information to create some space for more important things.

25. If I die at an early age, I ask my friends and family to take good care of my daughter and husband...please make sure that they have the love and support that I would give them if I were here. However, please refer back to number 1…I don’t plan on that happening.
 
Andrea's Video Tribute

Intuition and Living: 5/4/12

My sister never told me that she had a feeling that she would die young. She shared this with her husband and a few close friends dating back to her college years. She obviously felt very strong about this because she shared this with several people. I found out about her "feeling" a year after she passed. This got me thinking about the idea of intuition. I've had strong feelings about things. I've gotten good vibes or bad vibes about a person, circumstance or event on the horizon, but not to the extent Andrea had. Was she onto something?

I looked up the definition of intuition online and this is what I read...  direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process. Hmmm... truth independent of any reasoning process. Maybe this is why Andrea lived the way she did. She was ALWAYS on-the-go. To say she had a very healthy social life would be an understatement. If she wasn't constantly on-the-go she was unpleasant to be around. As a kid she wanted constant entertainment... by me or my brother. She often told me I was boring because I spent alot of time watching TV and TV alone was never enough to hold her interest. Shortly after her college graduation, she was spreading herself pretty thin... 2 jobs, cheerleading coach, softball and soccer player... the list goes on. She would often call me to complain about how tired she was or that she was "sooooo stressed! What do I do?" I would respond with very wise, big sister advice... "Andrea, why don't you quit something?" The answer was always "No! I can't quit! This is too important!! They NEED ME!" She would eventually settle down and cope with her crazed life. Just the thought of her busy life exhausted me!! 

So, when Andrea was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 4 years ago her life never slowed down. 3 weeks after her news she held a big party for her daughter's 1st birthday. She traveled to get 2nd and 3rd opinions on her health options... several times. She traveled for pleasure... to the Bahamas, Disney World, the Outer Banks. She returned to work, she went to treatments and like I said in my first post, she never missed a party or wedding. She was never too sick or too tired for a party thrown by family or friends. I look back now, a year and a half after her death, amazed at all she did during her illness. She did more living while sick than most people do healthy. And that's the truth. 

Knowing my sister, I was scared for her when I read the words below in her online journal:

"... The HARDEST realization, apparently I am not super woman.  I know this may come as a shock to you. :-)  Yes, I have liked to believe through all of this that I could “do it all”.  I liked to think that I could be a cancer patient, spend time on my healing, stay home with Alexa, take care of the house, have a good social life, etc.  What I realized is that I am not doing any of them at the degree I would like to.  What I am also realizing is that I do need MORE help.  I have never been good at accepting help or even asking for it.  But, this is something I also need to be better at.  A lot of things are suffering and, of all of them, I am the most.  I am at a point where I REALLY need to focus on me and on being well.  I can’t do this under the current circumstances.  I don’t have the solution, so I’m hoping it presents itself." 7/9/10

Andrea was asking for help for the 1st time in her life. Andrea wrote this entry 2 months before she passed. When I read this, I immediately called and said "what are you doing this weekend? Do you want me to come over?" Her response... "I'm going to a couple parties this weekend. I won't really be home." Even in her most desperate moments, she wouldn't stop living her life. 

I am 100% positive that Andrea had no regrets while laying in her hospital bed 2 months later. Her last day was her last big party. Her room was overflowing with her closest family and friends. It was her last big social event. And those of us who were there feel lucky to have shared that time with her.

Intuition was her guide through her life. She lived life to the fullest... from her first days to her last. And I can't help but think of Tim McGraw's song "Live Like You Were Dying" when I think of Andrea.

A Toast: 5/2/12

I grew up in a small rowhome in a very nice, family oriented section of Philadelphia with my mom, my dad, big brother and little sister. We were your average middle class family. Dad was a carpenter. Mom was a substitute teacher. My biggest obstacles in my daily life were the typical squabbles between siblings. My brother and I became quite close in high school. My sister and I were often at odds in our early years, probably because we shared a bedroom for 18 years (10 of which we shared a bed). My sister frequently chose the floor over the bed in those 1st 10 years. Supposedly, I was a blanket hog... and I snored (this has never been proven). Our "normal" middle class life came to a screeching halt when I was 18. My parents decided to go their separate ways. This strained many relationships in my family, my sister and I disagreed on a lot of things over the next few years. The disagreements sometimes escalated to fist fights. I did my best to take the high road. My sister was always proud of the fact the she clocked me in the face during one of these altercations. I guess it's a little sister thing that I never quite "got."

Then in 1998, a wedding was on the horizon... mine. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor. She was an excellent maid of honor. My fondest memories of my wedding and the events leading up to that big day in October of 1999 were with my sister. I picked out the bridesmaids' dresses, elegant, sleeveless navy blue dresses with long gloves. My sister loved them until she tried one on. "The back on this dress is so open, how am I going to wear a bra." And "these gloves make my arms sweaty!" Thanks Andrea!! Andrea, that's my little sister. The true highlight of the wedding festivities was my bachlorette party. We had a great time!!! She arranged a date for me for that evening, a blow-up doll named Dirk. Thanks again, Andrea!! But that night, when I crashed on the floor in her townhouse she shared with her best friend, we bonded. And this was new. We talked about things girlfriends shared. We didn't fight about who was taking too much time in the bathroom or who's side of the room was getting too messy. We talked about our lives. The dynamic of our relationship as sisters changed in 1999. And when she toasted my husband and I on our wedding night, I realized how much she loved and appreciated me. 1999 was the beginning of a wonderful friendship with my little sister. And she became my best friend in the years to follow. She was not the person I would call on the phone and say "Hello, how are you?" I would say "I'M SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!" And she would do the same to me. No cordial introductions necessary. She would give you the the most valuable thing anyone could ask of a friend, her time. She always had time for her family and friends. She never made excuses. She attended all birthday parties and weddings she was invited to attend. And she was always the life of the party. My wedding video is evidence of that.


So, when Andrea called me in early May of 2008 to tell me she had pancreatic cancer, I was devastated. She was only 31. Her daughter hadn't even celebrated her 1st birthday yet. How could this happen to someone so young? That first call was followed by a series of phone calls between the 2 of us that day. During one of the calls she noticed that I was crying. She said "You can't cry! You're the strong one." This theory of my sister's was soon squashed when I saw the strength she had in fighting her disease. Andrea kept an online journal of her health status throughout her illness. This allowed her to inform her multitude of friends and family without having to repeat the gory details of her treatments, experiences and frustrations battling cancer.


My sister Andrea showed strength, intelligence, perseverance and grace while she lived with pancreatic cancer. Unfortunately, she lost her battle in September of 2010. I am still grieving. I miss her more than words can ever express. I have a hole in my heart that can never be filled. I can only learn to live with it and I work on it every day.


I started this blog to share my memories, experiences and lessons learned through my relationship with my sister during the days following her diagnosis. I ask that others share their experiences. I started this blog to pay tribute to my sister because I think we can all learn from her experience.

So, in closing of this first post, I'd like you all to raise a glass and toast my sister, my hero, Andrea.