In July of 2010, Andrea's pain started. In an earlier blog entry, I mentioned that during this period Andrea asked for help for the first time in her life. Her cries for help fell on deaf ears, most likely because she always gave the impression that through it all, she was strong. Through the worst of times, she would triumph. The reality was... her body was failing her. In late July, Andrea called me. She was crying. She said, "I've asked for help and no one hears me! Do I have to be on my death bed for people to realize I need help?!?" I stopped short of giving her advice and said, "Let me take care of this." She agreed and I told her I'd call her back. I reached out to Andrea's two closest friends and told them her situation. Her friend Cori was aware of Andrea's state and she and I agreed we needed to do something. I soon heard from Andrea's friend Linda as well. Together we devised a plan to help Andrea... a care network of friends. We sent an email to all of her closest friends and asked for their time. The email included dates and a blank space to sign up and volunteer for a day or daypart with Andrea. Everyone pitched in!! I was so impressed with their response. Everyone wanted to help. As Andrea would often say to me... "Don't I have great friends?"
We continued this network while Andrea was in and out of the hospital. The hardest part for me was the little time I had to volunteer. My work schedule and young boys made it difficult to get there. Andrea couldn't handle extra children in the house while she was trying to get better. Until the end, she truly believed she would get better. In September, my work schedule changed, which meant my days off changed. Thursdays always seemed like the hardest days to fill. So, on my first Thursday off I put my name in the slot for September 23. I remember talking to Andrea on the phone earlier in the week. She said... "I can't wait til Thursday!! We'll get to hang out!"
I wish we could've spent that day like we always did. I wish we had the opportunity to just hang out. I thought about retyping it, but I decided to leave my notes as is, because this is exactly how I remember my last day with Andrea. Here is how we spent our Thursday:
· I'm stuck in traffic and get there late.
· Andrea is still in bed.
· I get there at 9:00.
· Alexa is at school.
· Andrea wants to shower. It's her shower day.
· She's too tired.
· I give her a moment to herself and wait outside her bedroom door. I over hear her say..."Why is this happening to me?” I try to hold back the tears.
· She can’t believe how much I had to help her. She was doing all these things herself 2 weeks prior.
· I got her on her garden cart she used to wheel herself around the house.
· I moved her to her chair lift with a bear hug.
· It took about an hour to get her downstairs.
· I help her to the recliner with the wheelchair and get her situated and comfortable.
· Andrea gives me smiles with every minor physical accomplishment.
· I make her eggs. She falls asleep.
· I eat her eggs
· The nurse arrives before I can make her food again.
· Andrea looks thin, uneven weight, carrying a lot in the lower half of her body
· The nurse notices how much Andrea has changed in the last week. I see it in her eyes.
· I ask the nurse what she thinks maybe causing Andrea’s sores.
· She says so sympathetically that she believes it to be “the progression of her illness.” Andrea cries for a moment, wipes her eyes and says “I don’t think that’s what it is.”
· Andrea repeats this to me when the nurse excuses herself and goes to the bathroom.
· The nurse orders cushions for Andrea’s bed and chair. They arrive almost immediately. The nurse shows me how to pack Andrea's wounds. This was very difficult for me. Andrea was in a lot of pain! I told Andrea I would call my nurse friends to see if they would volunteer to care for Andrea's wounds. I couldn't do it.
· Andrea spent the day making phone calls, setting appointments. She speaks with Doctor Fissel, her family doctor. He always made time to talk with her and answer her questions.
· I make her eggs, she finally eats.
· She has a hard time preparing her meds. She is having trouble focusing and asks me not to talk to her as she sets out her pills.
· She gives me very specific directions to Alexa’s school so I can pick her up at 3:00pm.
· She describes the teacher I need to speak to. Miss Sylvia with the ponytail.
· She tells me where I’ll find Alexa when I get there.
· When I get Alexa home she starts to play and watches a Mickey Mouse DVD.
· She places blocks on the steps and tries to walk on them. Andrea firmly tells her to not do that. Alexa cries. Alexa climbs in her mommy’s lap and asks for an apology. Her mommy tells her that she’s only protecting her and hugs her.
· I make a snack for Alexa. She relaxes for a bit while watching her video.
· Andrea still knows where everything is in her bedroom. She tells me where to hang up her sweatshirts. Tells me what blanket she wants (the brown one seemed to work best.)
· Andrea takes a phone call from Heather (our step-sister). I show Alexa pictures on the computer to keep her quiet while Andrea is on the phone.
· She points to a picture of herself and Bella (Linda’s daughter) and tells me... "Bella’s my favorite."
· She looks at pictures of their trip to Disney and her birthday party and points at a picture of her mommy and says “Look this is when mommy could walk!”
· Alexa asks to go outside and play. Pop (the neighbor) is sitting on his step. So I let her go out and keep checking on her.
· I straighten up for Andrea, clean, etc.
· We talk about her eating, I tell her she needs to eat. I try to get her to eat a granola bar and she doesn’t have the energy. She says she’s too tired. She doses off.
· Chris comes home.
· He puts his stuff down, sits next to her and just looks at her. I see so much in his face in this moment. So many feelings, emotions. She opens her eyes and asks "why is he looking at me? I just want to sleep" and she starts to cry, then drifts again.
· He lets her be. I tell her I’m leaving.
· Chris and I walk outside. I tell him about her day. (he would normally stay with her on a day like this, but since it was me, he went to work).
· He asks how to access the calendar I made for Andrea’s care network of friends. I say goodbye to Alexa and go.
· Andrea calls me that night to tell me she ate 2 pieces of pizza for dinner and a brownie for dessert. She was very proud of this accomplishment. She told me it took her a half an hour to dial my number. A number she knew by heart.
Three days later... we lost Andrea.
I am so grateful for my Thursday with Andrea. I am fortunate that my work schedule changed a month prior, giving me four consecutive days off. For 3 and 1/2 years I worked Wednesdays through Sundays. My four day weekend allowed me to spend my entire weekend with her at the hospital. I hadn't had a four day weekend in over 3 years! I can't help but think that the circumstances surrounding that weekend in September are nothing short of a miracle.
Have you ever had circumstances fall into place in such a way that you can't help but think of it as a blessing? I'm so glad I can say that, "yes, I have."
