A Toast: 5/2/12

I grew up in a small rowhome in a very nice, family oriented section of Philadelphia with my mom, my dad, big brother and little sister. We were your average middle class family. Dad was a carpenter. Mom was a substitute teacher. My biggest obstacles in my daily life were the typical squabbles between siblings. My brother and I became quite close in high school. My sister and I were often at odds in our early years, probably because we shared a bedroom for 18 years (10 of which we shared a bed). My sister frequently chose the floor over the bed in those 1st 10 years. Supposedly, I was a blanket hog... and I snored (this has never been proven). Our "normal" middle class life came to a screeching halt when I was 18. My parents decided to go their separate ways. This strained many relationships in my family, my sister and I disagreed on a lot of things over the next few years. The disagreements sometimes escalated to fist fights. I did my best to take the high road. My sister was always proud of the fact the she clocked me in the face during one of these altercations. I guess it's a little sister thing that I never quite "got."

Then in 1998, a wedding was on the horizon... mine. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor. She was an excellent maid of honor. My fondest memories of my wedding and the events leading up to that big day in October of 1999 were with my sister. I picked out the bridesmaids' dresses, elegant, sleeveless navy blue dresses with long gloves. My sister loved them until she tried one on. "The back on this dress is so open, how am I going to wear a bra." And "these gloves make my arms sweaty!" Thanks Andrea!! Andrea, that's my little sister. The true highlight of the wedding festivities was my bachlorette party. We had a great time!!! She arranged a date for me for that evening, a blow-up doll named Dirk. Thanks again, Andrea!! But that night, when I crashed on the floor in her townhouse she shared with her best friend, we bonded. And this was new. We talked about things girlfriends shared. We didn't fight about who was taking too much time in the bathroom or who's side of the room was getting too messy. We talked about our lives. The dynamic of our relationship as sisters changed in 1999. And when she toasted my husband and I on our wedding night, I realized how much she loved and appreciated me. 1999 was the beginning of a wonderful friendship with my little sister. And she became my best friend in the years to follow. She was not the person I would call on the phone and say "Hello, how are you?" I would say "I'M SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!" And she would do the same to me. No cordial introductions necessary. She would give you the the most valuable thing anyone could ask of a friend, her time. She always had time for her family and friends. She never made excuses. She attended all birthday parties and weddings she was invited to attend. And she was always the life of the party. My wedding video is evidence of that.


So, when Andrea called me in early May of 2008 to tell me she had pancreatic cancer, I was devastated. She was only 31. Her daughter hadn't even celebrated her 1st birthday yet. How could this happen to someone so young? That first call was followed by a series of phone calls between the 2 of us that day. During one of the calls she noticed that I was crying. She said "You can't cry! You're the strong one." This theory of my sister's was soon squashed when I saw the strength she had in fighting her disease. Andrea kept an online journal of her health status throughout her illness. This allowed her to inform her multitude of friends and family without having to repeat the gory details of her treatments, experiences and frustrations battling cancer.


My sister Andrea showed strength, intelligence, perseverance and grace while she lived with pancreatic cancer. Unfortunately, she lost her battle in September of 2010. I am still grieving. I miss her more than words can ever express. I have a hole in my heart that can never be filled. I can only learn to live with it and I work on it every day.


I started this blog to share my memories, experiences and lessons learned through my relationship with my sister during the days following her diagnosis. I ask that others share their experiences. I started this blog to pay tribute to my sister because I think we can all learn from her experience.

So, in closing of this first post, I'd like you all to raise a glass and toast my sister, my hero, Andrea.